


Who Needs Love When You Have Blackmail

by GirlyTomboy



Category: Gintama
Genre: 3Z class setting, Blackmail, F/M, OOC...? Kinda?, very subtle okikagu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-20 14:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3653358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlyTomboy/pseuds/GirlyTomboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okita Sougo is the shit. Student Council President? Check. Fangirls who melt at the sight of him? Check. Utterly dashing, charming, and handsome? Of course. A particular China girl insisting on ruining his entire high school career? She's just jealous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Okita-kun!"

"Kyahh! It's Okita-kun!"

"Pres. We're going to be late for our meeting."

Sougo wholeheartedly laughed, and continued waving to a group of squealing girls, all of whom were stomping their way toward the school-renowned Student Council President. "It's no big deal, Nobume. When have we ever been late?"

The dark-haired Vice President seemed to be in contemplation, and realized he did have a point. Okita Sougo was anything but the exact opposite of himself- lazy, procrastinating, and not impeccably on time for anything and everything. She curtly nodded her head at him, and if anyone with such mental capacity (aside from the Pres himself) was able to decipher, it roughly translated to, "Do whatever the hell you want."

And he did just that.

Come on now, Sougo was the ish and everyone knew it.

"If you want to head on out, go ahead. I need to catch up with them anyways. After all, what's the point of a Student Body Government if they can't meet the needs of the students they're governing?" He rhetorically asked. Imai paused and eyed him in that strange, blank way of hers again before finally relenting.

"Well then, Good work. I'll see you," she said, before taking off.

With her quickly speeding away, the fangir- ahem, Okita Sougo Defense Squad went balls out (even though they didn't have balls) and began sprinting toward the awaiting Student Council President with the hopes of catching him alone in his rare lull of inactivity. Some tripped in their haste. A passing student chuckled.

"Ah! Careful now. Are you all okay?" The expectant and effervescent smile on Sougo's face melted into one of concern and guilt when he neared some of the fallen girls, going so far as to crouch down and offer a hand to the closest one.

The flaxen-haired teen ignored the sound of Cupid's arrows shooting every single one of them right in the butt in favor of carefully aiding the girl up. He donned another accolade-winning frown, and if the fall wasn't enough to knock her out then his heartfelt expression definitely was. He uttered a slow inquiry regarding her well-being, worry etched on his tan features even as she reassured him.

"Alright then..." Sougo acquiesced after she flashed him a shy smile. He quickly patted the imaginary dust off him and faced the now abashed group of high school girls in all of his 162 centimeters glory, patiently waiting until all the quiet murmurs and star-struck glances of awe subsided.

"As much as I'd love to spend some time with all of you on a friendly basis, as the Student Council President, I do need some feedback as to how we're governing the school. My Vice President's granted me a few minutes of leisure time before my meeting, so if there are any comments, questions, or concerns-"

"Okita-kun, are you free this Sunday?!"

"White Day is coming up, are you giving anyone chocolates?!"

"Okita-kun, how long is your *** ****?!"

Sougo's eyes widened at the sudden (and quite personal, mind him) question. Even if he was the Student Council President, a single teenage boy indubitably couldn't handle an entire hoard of excited, screaming pubescent females by himself, never mind pubescent females bombarding him with irrelevant questions and currently craving the Okita Sougo to an almost unhealthy level.

Curse his bishonen looks and chivalrous demeanor.

Before Sougo had a chance to rebut any of their demands and indiscreetly leave (he should have known better than to ask them about school, of all things), a quite thunderous- and hideous- war cry erupted from his distant right.

He blanched. The Okita Sougo Defense Squad paled. That passing student hauled ass.

It was approximately half a second before Sougo realized exactly who that atrocious battle sound belonged to. In the time it took his fangirls to do so too, he was already halfway down the hall, meeting room in sight as he almost resorted to sprinting to the haven that was his Student Council (though he doubted they'd be able to handle that thing in the first place).

'Phew. Safe,' he sighed in relief as he closed the doors behind him.

"Pres. You're such a womanizer," the treasurer broke in once their leader burst through the doors. As nice and kind as Sougo's reputation was, it was a common fact throughout the entire council- and possibly the school- that he spent a ridiculously long amount of time around the general student populace almost every single day, almost as much as the amount of effort he put in running the Student Council.

Don't get him wrong, there wasn't anything wrong with that, no, not really. It was just the slightest bit suspicious that it seemed the renowned Okita Sougo had almost no enemies, and the occasional naive first or third year who would challenge him was rare in itself as well.

"I guess it's to be expected..." He thoughtfully mumbled to himself. When Sougo replied to his comment with a confused stare and then an embarrassed chuckle before looking away, that was his indication to get back to work. He resumed looking over his notes.

"Like I said, right on time." Sougo turned and shot Nobume a pointed look, to which she spared him another one of her indelibly zany glances. He only let out a sigh and took his seat, completely eager to delve into his role as a responsible member of the Student Body Government.

Maybe a little too eager.

A crash sounded in the near distance, followed by a string of angry shouts. Possibly some tears.

"Okaay everyone, take your seats. Hustle, hustle."

"What was that-"

"The rhythms of lions dancing on the prairie."

"But that makes no-"

"The rhythms of lions. Dancing. On the prairie."

"Pres lions don't even live on-"

"Please escort yourself out."

* * *

"I swear, it was an accident!"

Kagura growled at the typical response. She tightened her already vice-like grip on the poor boy's shirt, and watched the uniform material wrinkle beneath her fingers. Her slim figure was drenched to the bone in water, the lack of one of her signature buns releasing an entire half of unkempt, surprisingly thin vermilion hair.

Kagura snarled. The boy's sphincter muscle tightened of its own will.

Bluntly put, she was pissed.

Nearby, a group of students snickered, whether at her or the boy it wasn't clear. Whispers circulated the narrow hallway of the second story. A few phone shutters went off. All of it bounced off the unperturbed Kagura, who at the moment only had her eyes on the shaking, stuttering mess of a first-year before her. He refused to look her in the eyes, gaze downcast. Of course, that was to be expected.

"Pft. Look at her."

"That poor boy..."

"Ha! She's such a show!"

The no-name student only shrank further into the wall he was practically smashed against, the passing students and their litany of gossip and insults not nearly enough of a deterrent for him to escape. He broke his nervous stare-down with the floor when he felt the monster of a girl before him roughly tug his shirt collar.

"... You swear?" Kagura questioned slowly, a low rumble to her usually thunderous voice. The skeptical intonation of her voice was tinted with just a tad bit of curiosity. Y'know, beneath her angry, almost feral growl that could make even the toughest of men pee just a little. She gave the first-year's shirt a tug when he offered no response. Whether it was Kagura's piercing focus on him or the multitude of judging, waiting eyes that safely watched from a distance, the pressure that was unevenly displaced on his pusillanimous nature prevented him from uttering a word. He felt another pull on his shirt, not as harsh this time.

"I-I swear. T-The fountain broke and I was trying to fix it..." He thanked the lucky stars his stuttering wasn't as bad as it could have been, and considered it even a miracle he was still alive. He had the infamous Sakata Kagura on his tail, and despite her only being a second-year, just the mere thought of it alone was enough to leave anyone trembling.

Well, almost anyone.

"Sakata-san, please refrain from touching other students," a new voice quipped in. Almost instantaneously, the pressure he felt near his neck disappeared and he found himself slumping down on the tiled floor. When the boy gained the courage to look up, he almost pissed himself right then and there.

Lo and behold, the vermilion haired beast of a student Kagura had released him without uttering a single word, all due to the command of a person who's voice could be recognized even in the most remote of hallways-

Okita. Fucking. Sougo.

The boy wanted nothing more but to shrink in on himself when he saw the stern face the President rarely ever made, the way his lips tightened in a grim line, the authority and power he radiated, the building anger in his crimson eyes (He was eternally grateful the look wasn't directed at him). "What do you think you're doing, _Sakata-san_...?"

Kagura scoffed, tugged her arm away from the tight, unmoving grip Sougo had on her sleeve. Irritation laced her oddly pale countenance, a clear reminder to any bystander that apparently, even the impending threat of the Student Council wasn't enough to terrify her. Notwithstanding the annoyance on her face, she still directed her gaze to the President in the end.

"Nothing, anymore. Jeez, frown any further and that hideous wrinkle on your face will become permanent. Right, boy?" When Kagura glanced at said boy she had just tried to maim mere seconds ago, he swore hell froze over as he was suddenly thrust into playing the role of a witness to a devil spawn of a Chinese probably secret Mafia boss who went around eating souls and ripping the hearts out of young, innocent men, no less.

Okay, he was just really nervous.

"U-Um, ah-"

"There's no need for that. Sakata-san, come with me. And are you okay? I'll talk to you later," Sougo tersely interrupted. He nodded toward the first-year near the end of his sentence, tone softening ever the slightest before hardening again when he heard a sardonic hum beside him. The sharp smack of his shoes could be heard in the quickly emptying hallway as he made his way back toward the Student Council Meeting Room, a reluctant Kagura in tow.

Past the initial fear he felt at seeing both the infamous bully and the renowned "Prince" of the school in one place, an afterthought flitted into the no-name first-year's head-

'Has anyone actually seen these two talk to each other?'

He gulped nervously and ran to the bathroom before said clenched sphincter muscle could relax.

* * *

"I'm not a kid, I can walk without you breathing down my neck every two seconds you know," Kagura complained. Sougo, who was eyeing her in contempt a moment earlier, snapped his neck forward so fast it was a wonder he didn't have whiplash. The frown was still planted firmly on his face.

"Didn't know you were such a tight ass either, _Pres_." Kagura smirked. A few loitering students glanced at the two in consternation, worried expressions revealing how apologetic they felt for their favorite Student Council President having to endure such harassment. Loud, obnoxious harassment from a girl that could break bones in two seconds flat.

"Quiet, Sakata-san. What you did back there was inexcusable. Actually living up to your reputation, I see." he drily said. The Council room was steadily approaching, its numbered plaque glinting from all the way down the hall.

"Quit sayin' my name. It's disgusting." The cerulean-eyed troublemaker made a face, to which Sougo promptly ignored with a rebuttal of, "You mean, Sensei's name. The one you received when he adopted you." A shit-eating grin from Kagura and then, "Yup, that's the one."

The handle of the room was in sight, to where he could reach out and slide it open.

Sougo took a detour.

His abrupt right turn didn't faze her in the slightest, only a raised eyebrow and a shrug of her shoulders when he looked back over his own. They traversed another long corridor of classrooms, all filled with unsuspecting, conversing students. Unbeknownst to the flaxen haired Pres, who was still a few steps ahead of Kagura, the scent of home-cooked lunches and the casual chatter of friends elicited something nostalgic in her. Bright, cerulean eyes clouded over as her lax movements became a bit mechanical.

"Thanks to you, I had to miss the rest of the meeting. I hope your explanation makes up for this," Sougo doubtfully broke in, a hint of vitriolic exasperation in his voice.

"H-Huh? O-Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, okay then."

Kagura's slight and sudden blip was immediately noticed by him, his cognizant tendencies of observation the cause for the suspicion written all over his face. She in turn pretended to ignore his scrutinizing gaze, rebelliously looking at the passing classroom doors to her left. Sougo left it at that and turned back around. Was it just her or was he always walking that close to her?

"Finally, an empty room," he gestured to what could only be a storage closet. Or the office of a really bad janitor. There was probably a porn stash hidden somewhere. Kagura blanched when the unstable door opened with a rickety snick. "Oi, oi. That's shady, Pres. Hands where I can see them." She heard a small scoff, partly amused and partly exasperated.

"Who'd wanna touch you? Just get in, Sakata-san." Sougo held the door open, to which the fellow student begrudgingly walked in, and immediately plugged her nose. "Where did the honorific go? And gross, it smells like dirty bellybuttons and fat people sweat in here," Kagura murmured as she switched on the dim, yellow bulb. It flickered a few times before illuminating the room with the dying, fluorescent light. "Leave the door open, will ya?"

Sougo slammed the door shut.

"I really hope you're not trying to do the hanky panky with me because for your information, I know jiu jitsu and kung fu and-"

"Ugh, _finally_." The noble, non-slacking Pres (or at least, she had thought him as until this moment), released a long sigh- as if a heavy weight had just been lifted off his shoulders. She raised a neat eyebrow, and he blatantly ignored her silent questioning in favor of loosening his tie.

Which, in universal bad ass code, meant some serious shit was about to go down.

Sougo chuckled- an airy sound tinted with the slightest bit malicious intent and thoroughly laced with every bit amusement.

"Did you see that guy's face? First-years are cute." He sarcastically continued, "Listen here, China." Kagura huffed at the nickname. "You're a real pain in the ass."

"When am I not?" She sensed something odd about Sougo; his usually calm and passive demeanor was nonexistent in this almost polar opposite side he was showing. Even she, who heard nothing but interminable compliments and praises for the teen hadn't expected such an 180 degree turn. Unfortunately for Kagura, one moment she was reveling in the cryptic incredulity that was this new Okita Sougo and the next she was being slammed into the musky-scented walls.

Great.

"... Tch. " She clicked her tongue, a smidgen of annoyance in her eyes.

'That actually kinda hurt.'

"Bark for me and I'll maybe think about letting you go," Sougo said, dark and ominous and menacing. A complete opposite. The change was so drastic it was almost comical.

"Um," she started. "Excuse me? Did you hear that, Pres? That little Chihuahua yipping pathetically in the corner?"

If there was one thing that should have been going through the vermilion haired girl's, it would have definitely been why in the hell the renowned and kind and gentle and perfect Student Council President was suddenly acting like one of those dramatic villains in those B-Grade action movies her Gin-chan made her watch.

Suddenly, something clicked when Kagura vaguely remembered watching a familiar scene in the countless commercials she had halfheartedly paid attention to. She tuned out the onslaught of what could only be insults and mindless teenage boy rants to subtly slip a piece of sukonbu into her hands from her back pocket.

"-And you're not in any position to be calling me a Chihua-"

"Shut up. Your breath smells like shit anyways."

The scent of pickled seaweed and maybe the slightest hints of strawberry shampoo filled Sougo's nostrils when Kagura promptly leaned in and stuffed her signature snack into his mouth, effectively cutting him off mid-sentence. He glared at her and blanched at the awful taste.

"You're not you when you're hungry. Have some sukonbu [1]," she deadpanned, her broken English making even Sougo cringe at the thick accent. He spit the strip out, glare intensifying when she stuck a pinky into her nose.

"You're disgusting," he uttered. "What the hell is a low-life brat like you doing at this school anyways? Did Sensei wag his tail for the higher-ups? For someone like you?" He smirked when Kagura's unfazed facade cracked for half a millisecond. 'Of all things, I never expected her to be so predictable.'

"Makin' fun of me, Shit Pres?" Sougo narrowed his eyes at her comment, already irritated from this new pain in the ass he had to deal with. "Yes, I am, monster. And I'll say it again. You undeserving, presumptuous brat. At least I put in effort in running this school. Unlike you, with your shit records and lousy attendance." He calmed, watching as she uttered a growl that would make most cower in fear.

"You better shut the hell up or-"

"Or what? You'll punch me? Beat me up until I can't even move? Terrorize and hurt me for no damn reason, just like you did to all the other innocent students who wanted _nothing_ to do with you?"

Kagura paused. Sougo smirked.

"Haughty words for the Student Council President. I'm still part of this shitty school, aren't I?" She countered, though her slight unease was discernible through the lackadaisical shuffle of her feet and how she clasped her hands together from behind.

"If you haven't noticed, the Student Council President's words are supposed to be haughty, China. How long do you think it took me to build so much support? To have hundreds of blind, naive girls flocking to me every second? Pft," he chuckled, and leaned closer. "The teachers will believe everything I say, I have a large following to get away with anything, and I'm good-looking, of course. I could commit murder and they'd still believe whatever bullshit excuse I spew."

Kagura's eyes only narrowed even more, her back inching ever closer to the wall behind her. "See, China? Power feels _nice_. And who are they to believe more, their perfect little role model or a rebellious trouble-maker who doesn't even know how a skirt works?"

Sougo immediately paused when he saw Kagura's shoulders shaking, more in a bemused amusement than actual concern. Her expression was indiscernible and for once, she seemed far too benign with her shrinking frame and downcast head to have been the receiver of his words just seconds ago. After what seemed like ages, with the occasional taunt from the flaxen-haired teen, Kagura spoke.

"... When you slammed me into the wall earlier, that hurt," she suddenly muttered.

"What-"

"Bodily harm to another student, threatening, harassment. The list goes on and on, Pres. Wait until the teachers hear this." The vermilion haired girl still refused to look up, but this time Sougo's attention was piqued. He stared down at her skeptically, caution written on his features.

"... Snitching? On me? Ha, like anyone will believe you with-"

"Who said I was _telling_ them," Kagura challengingly bit back. When she finally lifted her head, it wasn't guilt or shame or even anger on her face, but mirth. Overwhelming joy and amusement. Alarm bells immediately rang in his head.

Kagura laughed. A whole, gleeful laugh. Her brilliant eyes sparkled blithely as she raised her arm, previously hidden from view. In her hand was her phone, a red light blinking dauntingly right in front of Sougo's face. She pressed a button, and a shrill beep broke the tense, confused silence.

Kagura stuck her tongue out, and blew a raspberry at him.

"Power _is_ nice, Pres. Say hi."

"Wha-"

"Too slow. Bye now."

One moment he was frozen at the prospect of what had just happened and the next she had disappeared before his very eyes, an airy giggle escaping from behind him.

"Oi, China... Don't you fucking dare-"

"Treat me to a parfait or some ice cream tomorrow and I'll think about it." Sougo reeled at her words, and spun to fully address Kagura. "Gross, no-"

"Then I'll be crushing your empire from right beneath your nose. Meet me after school at the gates, There's a new cafe nearby." A sardonic wave and a snicker, and she was out the door with a bounce in her step.

"Oh, and by the way," her muffled voice came out. "I was planning on letting that kid go. He's nice."

When Sougo finally willed his muscles to yank the closet entrance completely open and pop his head out, he had to stifle the groan that so desperately wanted to escape his lips.

She was nowhere in sight.

* * *

'How the hell did she manage to do that?'

Sougo huffed in barely-restrained annoyance, glad the school day was finally over and the hallways were finally cleared. He could groan and complain and basically be a bitchy douchesack all he wanted, and no one would suspect a thing.

"Except for that stupid China..."

She was sneaky. He didn't expect that.

And no, that was _not_ his admiration for her rising just a tad bit. Nope, not at all.

Nonetheless, Sougo ignored the spine-tingling hum of consternation that welled in him when he thought of his reputation going down the drain just like that, or at least tried to. If there was one thing he wasn't doing, succumbing to Kagura's blackmail tactics was one of them. Wrapping himself around her booger-encrusted, dirty finger was absolutely unacceptable.

'What a predicament...' Sougo sighed. Although the other option was being cooped in the Council room with endless upon endless stacks of paperwork (which at this point he was seriously reconsidering as being the better alternative), he had to admit he was at a loss for what to do, no matter how interesting of a mess he had gotten himself into...

Oh. Wait. He was a Sadist.

Duh.

'I could just blackmail her back. People like her always seem to be hiding something,' he mused, aware of the irony of exposing a deep, dark secret of hers after his was, and quite abruptly at that. Sougo absentmindedly turned the corner, where he took powerful strides out into the temperate, open air-

Only to stop mid step when he heard the thundering bellow of a million angry elephants and the sky falling down.

'China's still here?'

"Huh, wherever could she be..." He sarcastically mumbled. The rumbling of her laughter increased in intensity the closer he wandered over. For reasons unknown, he was filled with energy at the prospect of finding any dirt on the brazen beast like she did him. He didn't even mind that the sun was starting to set, nor that he would have less time to complete his homework (heaven knows how much they pile on him).

"Here, here, China. I won't bite. Destroy your entire high school life and break your will to live maybe, but biting's against my protocol," Sougo coaxed quietly. For added effect he crouched low, China-senses tingling when he approached a building corner.

"Hey! Nice ass man! I'd tap that!"

The flaxen-haired boy paused, if only to scoff.

Like he didn't know he already had plump cakes down there. Pft.

A particularly loud guffaw broke Sougo out of his reverie. He poked his head around the corner, where, just like he had predicted, Kagura was seated, casually sucking on sukonbu as she sat against the wall. He didn't notice the fact that she was all alone, nor did he register that her bag was nowhere in sight and that she still had her indoor shoes on- scraped up and scuffed with dirt and mud. He was too busy whipping out his phone to press the record button.

Kagura was sitting with her knees pressed against her as she was saying something Sougo was too far away to hear. When he inched closer, the incoherent sounds he heard gradually increased to full, complete sentences. The vermilion haired China looked like she was rehearsing something.

She snarled. Sougo pressed the red record button.

"The hell ya' lookin' at, hah?! No... That's off...?" She mumbled to herself.

'Is she seriously practicing her lines?' If Sougo wasn't so close, he would have snickered.

"Toe-sucking, ass-kissing bastard! I'll beat you into the ground!" Kagura was pacing around now, a look of bemused discontentment on her porcelain-like features. She stuck a finger into her nose and wriggled it for added measure as she seemed to be in deep thought. Sougo blanched. Her insults were so incredibly cliché even the stoic-faced Pres wanted to cringe.

"Lick my c-cun...-t..." She stammered before promptly sinking down and covering her face with her hands. It was beet red. This went on for a while, with the occasional reenactment of a student on the receiving end of the insult.

When Kagura started to mimic the facial expressions was when Sougo finally stopped recording. Not so much as he was getting bored, more so that if she didn't shut the hell up right at the moment, he wasn't sure he could hold his laughter in anymore. Sougo didn't feel so worried now.

With a skip in his step, he jovially excused himself and walked out of the gate, a smirk planted neatly on his face.

"I _really_ need to get out more," he lightly sighed.

"No, serious dude! Nice ass! They're like ripe plums!"

* * *

"Stop wasting my time. Pick your flavors already."

"M'kay. Strawberry, vanilla, green tea, chocolate, sukonbu, barbecue, steak- Why did you choose some foofy dessert place? Meat would've been better."

Sougo chucked the napkin dispenser at Kagura's face, to which it bounced off her insanely thick skull and onto the ground. She remained unfazed. "But whatever, Gin-chan says not to complain when there's free food." He sighed for the nth time before waving his wallet in front of her. That seemed to snap the brazen girl out of her musings, and she quickly scanned through the menu before choosing. When her order had been successfully reiterated by a nearby waitress, she sighed noncommittally and returned to looking out the window in boredom. It was strange how not once since they saw each other did she address yesterday's incident. Very strange indeed, Sougo thought.

"Oi, eyes on me, China. Where's the video," Sougo ordered.

Finally. That damn China was going to rub the fact that she had it in his face. Then force him to do her filthy, most likely illegal jobs for her. And then pull a gun from beneath the table and threaten to kidnap him if he didn't comply. Hell, she was probably going to pull out the hidden pair of sunglasses every cool person had on them and put it on. Inside the cafe. Sunglasses were also a universal sign that shit was about to go down, after all.

Oh, but no. That wasn't going to be the end of it. No, no it wasn't. He was ready. Okita Sougo was fucking ready.

"Huh? Oh. I deleted it."

"Listen here punk. I paid my end of the bargain so- Wait. What?" Crimson eyes met cerulean. The unbridled shock on Sougo's normally stoic face gave away his bemusement. Kagura raised an eyebrow. "I knew you were stupid, but I didn't know you were deaf. I deleted the video."

"..."

"..."

Huh. What'd ya know.

"So..." the Pres drawled.

"So, I was planning to go here with Gin-chan today, but he had a teacher conference. I asked my bastard brother, but he stole my bowl of rice and jumped out of the window before I could finish my sentence. I haven't seen him since," Kagura said. Her straight face never wavered.

"Huh... And I was your back-up?" Sougo smiled when the waitress came back with a tray, and watched his company-for-the-day's eyes light up. She promptly dug in when the large bowl of assorted ice-cream, topped with various fruits and nuts, was placed down in front of her. He settled for sipping his water.

"Pretty much, I guess. You didn't seem the type to bail, so I had already considered us even."

"Or... You just wanted an excuse to spend time with the loveliest person in the entire school," Sougo supplied. Kagura scoffed and took a fervent bite of her ice cream concoction. She squealed in delight before taking another scoop.

"No blackmail, right? We're even?"

"None whatsoever. And yeah, like it never happened."

"Good. Now's the perfect chance to tell you. Meet me here tomorrow, same time, and treat me to a parfait if you don't want me to send this to the entire school."

In Sougo's hand was his phone, the screen playing a loop of a pacing Kagura talking to herself from the day before. The mentioned girl's eyes widened the moment she saw the video, her spoon clattering into the bowl as she stared at him.

"W-Wha-"

"Pft. You're so lame, China. You should have kept that video, who knew you were that stupid?"

Sougo haughtily snickered when Kagura started to fume, cheeks tainted pink with both anger and embarrassment. He enjoyed his rare moment of superiority for a while before speaking again.

"Tell you what. Treat me to something here tomorrow, and follow my orders for the rest of the week, starting now. Then I'll delete the video."

Incredulity was written all over her features as she nearly cracked the cherry wood of the table.

"Huh?! You're fucking crazy!" she leaned forward and whisper shouted, almost afraid of causing a scene. If looks could kill, he would be burning in sadist hell right now. "That or the people find out the hard-assed delinquent is a dork who can barely manage to insult someone. Or y'know, I can report you to the staff and you'll be expelled for multiple incidents of harassment and injury. That too," Sougo said nonchalantly. "And sit down. Your breath reeks of artificial sweetener and canned fruit."

Kagura reclined begrudgingly after a moment, the glare on her face unrelenting as always.

"How about I kill you first?"

"No can do, Honey Bunches."

"And why the hell not?!" She retaliated, not giving a flying fuck whether or not she was being stared at then.

"Because you're weak."

Sougo felt an oddly alarming feeling rise in his chest when Kagura narrowed her eyes and she actually snapped her spoon right in half. Maybe he said something wrong...

Nah.

… Right?

Unfortunately, when Sougo had joined the Sadist Planet many years back, they had neglected to inform him of one thing, and that was that apparently, there were batshit insane China girls with bright blue eyes swinging umbrellas out there hat were immune to his sadistic tendencies. Insults, threats, and blackmail included.

'What a GREAT fucking day."

It was Sougo's very last thought as Kagura promptly knocked him out with an uppercut to the jaw.

* * *

"Kagura, I'm disappointed in you."

"Yes, I wholeheartedly agree. Please instill some discipline in your daughter, Sakata-san."

"At least invite me to watch next time."

"Sakata-san!" The teacher huffed in shock as she stared at the indignant faces of both Ginpachi-sensei and Kagura. They both stuffed a pinky into their noses in response. Like freak like freak incarnate. Wait, that's not how it goes.

"I expected more out of you, Kagura-san. And Sakata-san, control your daughter. Please. My student had to go through a lot of trouble because of her." The heels of the adjacent class's teacher clacked obnoxiously against the hall, followed subsequently by two pairs of lackadaisically shuffling feet.

"Technically, that angel Pres of yours started it first," Kagura mumbled. She was careful not to let the overly zealous teacher hear. Glancing up at her surrogate father part teacher, they exchanged glances.

'Must be new.'

"Lookie here, lady. It's not your business how I raise my daughter. And until you're able to kiss ass properly without having to suck any-"

"Gin-chan! Shut up!" Kagura knew where the conversation was going. She always knew. Because it always went there. "Gin-chan, this is why so many staff quit in like, a week," she supplied. In a quieter voice, "Shh, just humor her for now."

"I can still hear you!"

Kagura and Ginpachi straightened from when they were huddling together and frowned, unamused expressions on their faces. The teacher tutted in disdain.

"I'll have you know, your daughter won't get away unscathed like she always does. Okita-kun is in the chairman's office right at this moment, explaining in full exactly how much of a trouble-maker your delinquent of a student and daughter is." She chuckled. "Ha, I'll make sure you'll be suspended at the very least. I wil be the one to serve justice! I will finally be recognized for all the good work I've done for this school."

"... What?" Gin and Kagura asked in unison.

"H-Huh? Oh, a-ahem. Nothing. Nothing at all."

A pair of fish-like eyes met bright cerulean ones as the duo shared a knowing look.

"Yeah, um, okay. Yeah. Too bad that's not happening."

With that, Kagura slammed the large door they had just arrived at wide open. Gin and she completely ignored the teacher's indignant protests and marched right fucking in, Kagura even yelling, "Alrrrright!" (making sure to roll her r's, of course) "The parrty's here! Your lives have just been blessed! Where's that bastard chairman?"

"Be quiet for once, China. Please. My right ear is still ringing from when you tackled me onto the ground," Sougo complained, his sandy brown hair mussed and eyes narrowed in perpetual irritation. He was seated legs crossed in the chair facing the office's window. In front of him sat a large wooden desk, where the back of the equally sized swivel chair faced the entrance. The chairman was nowhere in sight.

"I didn't tackle you, Pres. You sure your memory's not fuzzy?"

"Tackled me _after_ you punched me right in the face," Sougo corrected. The benign look on Kagura's face had yet to subside. A thoughtful moment passed and she said, "Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I tackled you. Admit you loved it."

"Not in a million years."

"Yes in a million years."

"No."

"Yes."

"For heaven's sake! Be quiet Kagura-san! Where's that useless chairman when you need him?" The teacher broke in, not heeding the withering glance Kagura shot her. She stormed to the oak desk and sat at the edge, simultaneously crossing her arms and huffing out an angry breath.

Too caught up in her intimidation act did she fail to see the swivel chair spinning around at the speed of light, nor did she feel the breath that ghosted against her ear until it was too late.

"Excuse me, kind Miss. But I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't rub your gross butt sweat all over my table. It's oak, y'know."

"Kyaaaaahh!"

Sougo raised his eyebrows. Gin blanched. Kagura gritted her teeth.

"Anyways," the chairman continued, sudden appearance be damned. His blithe expression melted away, a more ominous taking his place. A cat purred in his arms.

"I've been expecting you- Owie, ow, oww... Mr. Foofy, let go of my face!"

When the black kitten was successfully pried off his face, Kagura rolled her eyes. The chairman proceeded to spin once more on his swivel chair, and pretended like he didn't just get mauled in the face by his own pet. He rested his chin on top of his hands for added measure.

"I've been expecting you."

"Kamui, shut the fuck up."

Kagura chucked one of her signature hair clips at him. He let it bounce off his head.

"Kagura-san, how dare you address the chairman so informally! Chairman, please do something about this trouble child, she's been disturbing the peace in this school!" The young female teacher quipped, having just snapped out of her momentary shock. Her attempts to mitigate and control the situation only backfired when Kagura and Kamui simultaneously flicked a booger at her.

"Naive Sensei-chan, please stay out of it," Kamui said. His effervescent smile bloomed on his face again as he eyed the two students in the room. He then promptly hopped off the chair, onto the table, and landed neatly into squat position right above where Sougo sat, feet stationed on the armrests and elbows on his thighs.

The flaxen-haired teen blinked, crimson eyes widening in curiosity.

Surprisingly, it was his first time meeting the chairman in person. As happy-go-lucky as the Student Council President was soon beginning to associate with Kamui, the chairman himself never really went out in public nor introduced himself to the students, thus creating for himself this enigmatic character rarely anyone had the chance of meeting. Honestly, Sougo was starting to rescind the thought that he was even remotely cool to begin with.

"So..." Kamui drawled. "You're the one pickin' a fight with this monster over here?"

"Oi!"

"Hardly, Chairman-san. She started it after harassing a fellow student of mine," he smoothly replied. "And besides, she hit me fir-"

"Did not!"

"Did too."

"Sofa-kun, you sure the only thing you got was a bruised jaw and a chipped tooth?" Kamui asked. His head tilted questioningly, which Sougo found oddly strange (past the butchering of his name). What, did a girl almost giving him a concussion and potentially realigning the entire right side of his face not merit a consequence? A nurse's check-up at the very least?

"...Yes? They pulled her off before she could do any more damage," he said. Although nonplussed, he certainly didn't miss the small pout on the young chairman's face (how old was the guy anyway?).

"Tch. Boring," Kamui muttered underneath his breath.

He turned to Kagura and hopped back onto the desk, Sougo narrowly avoiding a mouthful of his braided ponytail on his way back. He stood to his full height, hands on his hips.

"Listen up, bastards!" Kamui cheerily shouted.

"This case is too trivial for someone of my caliber. I don't care who did what or who started it first! Hell, I don't even know what we're talking about! So Sofa-kun and Kagura, you will be on cleaning duty with the janitors for a month! Yay! Oh, and just because your faces are bothering me, from now on, both of you are required to steal all of the cafeteria food and bring it to me during lunch. If you get caught, I don't mind a few broken bones. Okay, dismissed!"

"What?!" Kagura and the female teacher yelled incredulously. Gin pulled out the recent Jump issue and began flipping through the pages. Sougo stared at Kamui blankly, most definitely having found a potentially new person to release all his sadist-demanding needs out on.

"Oi, Bakamui! You chinky-eyed bastard! One month with the Sadist?! Go burn in hell, there's no way I'd do that!" Kagura managed to successfully launch at the higher-up. She attached herself to his torso, where not even the most brutal hair grip of all hair grips could faze him.

"No can do. Nope. Nuh-uh. No siree. If you keep this up I'll throw you out the window," Kamui matter-of-factly said.

Sougo's eye twitched at the sudden intimacy, questions of the two's relationship stirring something uncomfortably warm and none too pleasant in his gut. Likewise, his homeroom teacher huffed in disbelief.

"Chairman, is it so difficult to just expel her? She is an absolute menace to this school! Unless, there's a reason?" Her tone had taken on a challenging edge to it. From the corner of the room, Gin quickly inched a foot toward the door, the knowing in his eyes not making the situation any better.

Kamui grabbed Kagura by the back of the shirt before flinging her into the remaining chair, where she hit with a small 'oomph' and a frown. He smiled in amusement before sighing melodramatically.

"Before my bastard old man moved and forced this job on me he threatened to cut off my entire supply of food money if I didn't at least keep this bratty weakling here." He chucked a book at Kagura's head in lieu of addressing her. "Family is important, after all."

"Wait, you two are related?" Sougo asked. Shock- and was it relief- flashed in his eyes as he leaned forward in his chair.

"Yeah," Kagura said, almost reluctantly. "As painful as it is, we're siblings."

"That we are. And you people are boring me. I have a luncheon to go to with Abuto. Your punishments aren't gonna change by the way. Bye-bye now!" With that and a strength he really shouldn't have, Kamui pushed every single one of them back out into the hall and slid the door shut with an effective snick.

An awkward silence befell the three in the hall, Gin having already hauled ass.

"Weeelll..." Kagura interrupted-

And kicked Sougo in the shin as hard as she could.

"GYAAAH! What the hell CHINA!"

The cheeky second-year immediately pulled out her phone and pressed the record button when tears streamed out of her new enemy's eyes.

"Say hi to the camera! That's what you get for you toying with a maiden's heart. Cruel bastard." Her congenial smile would have been utterly dazzling up close, but Sougo was too busy tending to his broken leg to really take notice of her cheeky grin or properly register her next words.

"Cafe. Sunday. Remember to bring money."

Was that a challenge? It was a challenge, wasn't it? Oh hell no.

'Just you fucking wait, China, I'll- Damn, I'm turning into a masochist, aren't I?'

Because no utterly sane person would willingly go on a date with potentially his most hated enemy and willingly pay just for a tiny, possible piece of blackmail.

At least not when they were named Okita Sougo and a particular China girl was involved, anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, Kagura and Sougo must combine forces to stop the immediate evil that is to come in the form of gross pictures and horrible misconceptions. Much to their disgust.

“I'd like twenty pork buns please.”

“No.”

“Why don't you shut the fuck up, Sadist. A girl's gotta eat.”

“No.”

Sougo sighed for the nth time that afternoon. Much to his annoyance, the longer the day progressed, the less his precious wallet began to weigh- well, he guessed that was to be expected, after all... Damn China.

“Miss Piggy called. She wants her glutton back, China.” His attempt to rile the damned bane of his existence went ignored (much to his secret chagrin) as Kagura busied herself chatting with the vendor lady. Something about skirts with gym pants, food, and sukonbu. To be honest, the sandy-haired boy couldn't care less, as long as she would delete the video of a crying Sougo after she had so thoughtfully attempted to crack his shin in half. Again.

“You done yet? Hurry up so I can pay,” he impatiently asked. Exasperation was written on his features as he watched Kagura scour the stall left and right, her nose twitching as she neared a possible candidate of what he had dubbed the 'Crap-She'll-Eat-and-Then-Get-a-Stomach-Ache-After-Because-She-Is-an-Idiot' list.

“Don't talk crap about my 'Crap-I'll-Eat-and-Then-Get-a-Stomach-Ache-After-Because-I-am-an-Idiot' list; how else do you think I get to skip class after lunch? And I'm not an idiot, idiot,” the brat defiantly replied. If she realized she had just contradicted herself, she didn't point it out. Sougo didn't even bother trying, he'd rather be forced to listen to one of the chairman's endless stories of his near-death experience on his quest for the ultimate yakisoba bread than even attempt to argue with his pain-in-the-ass sibling.

Sougo had to give Kagura props though; she was one of the only people to have been able to read his mind so clearly. On a daily basis. Every single day they approached each other. It was some parts impressive and most of the time annoying.

Huh. Maybe that's why he got the restraining order after he tried to lure her into the boys' bathroom. Well, to be fair, she had filmed him storming into the girls' bathroom in search of her right after he realized she had slathered gum all over the back of his pants. Ew.

“Pres? Yoo-hoo. Your lowly servant is awaiting your command. ”

“Huh? Oh. No.”

“What!” Kagura melodramatically yelled. Her cerulean eyes flashed angrily his way, which Sougo found kind of sorta almost mesmerizing. That is, until someone chucked a half-eaten pork bun at the back of her head.

“Shut the hell up! You're being too damn loud! Here, you can have that! Damn!”

Sougo chuckled and stopped the recording he managed to get just in the nick of time. “There- pft. China, you-you have your- pft,” he stuttered out, before promptly keeling over as he laughed his ass off. In doing so, however, the flaxen-haired teen failed to notice Kagura pick up the pork bun and thoughtlessly dust it off. When he peeked up at her again, she was already putting the entire thing into her mouth.

“Oi, don't actually eat it.” 

Sougo successfully managed to pry her fingers off and grabbed the half-bitten pastry away from insistent hands, which he promptly tossed into the nearby trash. He ignored the indignant protest that followed in lieu of pushing ahead and weaving through the imminent crowd of students as they milled about the stalls and vendors.

“Dammit China, I have a job to do. I can't babysit you all day,” Sougo reprimanded. Kagura only rolled her eyes with a scoff as she languidly strolled along to his brisk pacing. “That makes no sense. Even the Pres should enjoy the school festival once in a while.” 

“I _am_ enjoying it. I'm enjoying every second I'm not around you, China. We're even now anyways. Go and play now. Shoo, shoo.” His sardonic reply was met with a hair clip to the back of his head as Kagura chucked her signature accessory at him in annoyance. She cursed him out, something along the lines of jobs and sticking said jobs up his pale, white ass, all of which he thoughtlessly ignored. The aforementioned curses soon turned into shouts, then harrumphs, then embarrassed mumbles.

“Hm? What was that, China? I couldn't hear you past your bitching.”

“... I _said_... I don't... have any... money...” Kagura's voice drawled near the end as it steadily waned and tapered off. When Sougo peeked behind his shoulders, a defiant pout was on her features as she faced away from him, arms crossed. “So... You're mooching off of me.”

“Of course,” was the immediate reply.

Sougo halted in his steps right then and there just about the same time something snapped inside of him. Day in and day out, the damn China pest was always trailing behind him (usually with malicious intent more so than anything), to the point where he resorted to hiding in his Student Council room until school ended and he eyed a familiar dash of vermilion and uniform haul ass out of campus. It was tiring, to be frank. Tiring and annoying and-

“You're my sugar daddy. Is that what they say?”

And kinda amusing.

“Pft.”

“Shut up.”

A set of heavy footfalls interrupted Kagura's and Sougo's mini-banter, just as they were approaching the school entrance. A figure was dashing towards them, an unsteady blur as it approached the two dead on. The form looked to be a guy, and Kagura blanched when she caught sight of a fluttering, very suspicious, very familiar braid.

“Hey, Pres,” she nudged his shoulder.

“What the hell do you want.”

“You should run.”

“Wha-”

Sougo didn't even have a chance to count before he was slammed into the concrete pavement.

“Gyuh... what...”

“Ouch.” Kagura's voice chimed from nearby. Or at least, he vaguely assumed it was her voice, past the ringing in his ears and the throbbing in his side. “Who...”

“Yoo-hoo, Sofa-kun! Kamui here! Are ya dead?”

Oh. That's who.

“Guh... Chairman?”

“Kamui, what are you doing here? I thought you went to a meeting?” Kagura curiously questioned, a vestige of irritation in her tone. She meekly watched as her brother climbed off of Sougo and bounced to his feet, his effervescent demeanor only proving to tire her out. A finger managed to make its way inside her nostril the longer she observed the proceedings before her.

“You okay, Sofa-kun?” Kamui held a hand out, which Sougo hesitantly took after a brief glance at the young man's smiling face. “Chairman-san, why are you at the festival?” He skeptically wondered.

A look of surprise crossed Kamui's face, followed by a thoughtful one as revelation suddenly lit up his already too bright countenance. “Oh yeah, I remember now! Thanks, Sofa-kun!” His cheery, semi-grateful expression lasted for a full half a second before Sougo found himself being lifted off the ground, a tight grip around his collar the only thing keeping him from falling on his butt.

“Onto business, shall we? Don't. Fucking. Touch. My sister.”

A photograph replaced Sougo's view of Kamui's pissed face, his gleaming eyes, the almost frightening aura that radiated from the suddenly very strong man. “Um... Chairman-san?” He blanched, the urge to wrap his own fingers around the hand encompassing his collar overwhelming (he just ironed it, damn it).

“The hell did I just find scattered all over my hallways, Sofa-kun?” When the Pres squinted hard enough to be able to discern the details of the photograph, he couldn't blame him for resorting to the whole neck-gripping, ball-clenching aura too. The candid photo of Sougo and Kagura together practically glared in his face, their close proximity just now starting to disconcert him. Their noses were bumping as the sandy-haired boy held his counterpart by the shoulders. He had her pushed against the wall.

There was a red heart sloppily circled around the both of them.

And although those were expressions of the vilest ire and the utmost disgust, Sougo guessed they weren't as clear to the viewer as he would have liked. Hence the whole neck-gripping, ball-clenching thing Kamui had going on. Oh, and they were in the girls' bathroom. Yeah. That too.

“Just so you know, a sadist is different from a pervert. Bestiality's not really my thing either,” hr blanched. Kamui promptly froze, and Kagura made a strange gagging noise before throwing her remaining hair clip at the back of his head. 

“I don't take that joke kindly, Sofa-kun. Unless I'm telling it, then it's okay,” Kamui harrumphed. “But can I ask you kindly not to sexually harass my sister? It'd be trouble for all of us, and quite frankly, I'm not in the mood to stab a bitch today.” The chairman loosened his grip on the teen, and Sougo took the initiative to rid himself of the hand on his shirt.

He stole a cursory glance toward Kagura, who stood to the side with a blank look on her face. She made a “blegh” sound when he turned to her, and he quickly snatched the photo out of Kamui's hands and tossed it toward her feet. It breezily fluttered to the ground.

A raise of an eyebrow later and Kagura was really vomiting, aghast horror written all over her face as she puked the contents of her makeshift lunch. Albeit it was a little melodramatic, Sougo had to agree with her (that's a first, he thinks). Sans the whole puking thing, he felt almost offended and the tiniest bit disgusted that anyone was sick and twisted enough to conjure such an inequity as that of him, dare he say, being _intimate_ with the China beast.

Gross.

“See? No sexual harassment here; just mutual hate, Chairman-san. Well anyways, I really need to get going,” Sougo dismissed. With that, he swiftly extracted himself from the conversation and quite frankly, dipped.

A gluttonous China was enough. Her brother with ten times the hunger and a strength to match it was a completely different story. Never mind them being... together.

* * *

“Hey, did you hear?”

“No way! Are they serious?!”

“What a fucking joke.”

“OKITA-SAMA! NOO!”

Okita rubbed his temples in a pathetic attempt to quell the pounding of his head. He'd been dealing with comments of the like for the past hour now, and would have gladly stabbed a toe or hell, punched himself in the gut just to cease the incessant chatter he heard not even a door over. A banging on the classroom door and the shout that imminently followed made him snap his head up.

“What is the meaning of this, Pres?! What is the Okita Sougo Defense Squad going to do now?!” A chorus of high-pitched shrieks filled the halls outside, and the flaxen-haired teen repressed an annoyed groan. It seemed even after school and club hours were over, he was still just as fervently followed. The ream of papers stood dauntingly on his desk, the way it had been for the previous hour. Sougo sighed.

The scribbling of a pen quickly filled the less than serene environment. He was surprised no one had tried to slam open the door, though he guessed the table blocking it was part of the reason why. His usually stoic countenance was marred with an expression of seemingly interminable irritation, the most he's felt in a long time.

“What's so good about that girl anyways?! She's nothing but an annoying bitch who follows you around like a lost puppy, honestly,” a louder voice broke in-

And abruptly screamed when a loud crash resounded.

Sougo paused in his nondescript writing to smirk.

“Who the hell're you calling an annoying bitch, huh?”

A slam echoed throughout the long hallway, various shouts and hollers (mostly female) accompanying the crescendo of broken glass and what sounded like elephants thumping about. It was nothing less than a war zone. With one person winning.

_'It's absolutely beautiful,'_ he found himself thinking.

The doors slid open with a loud snick as Kagura sauntered into view, and Sougo was glad for the interruption (despite the habitual ire he feels whenever he so much as looks at her face). “Yo, China. Have you come to be my Prince in Shining Armor?”

“No.”

The brevity in Kagura's tone was final as she stood blank-faced, save for the triumphant sparkle in her not-so-perspicaciously-bright eyes. Dare Sougo say it was kinda, sorta welcoming, given the endless complaints and cries of outright disbelief he's gotten the past week. Over one single photo, to boot.

“You can just tell me if you're jealous, China. Although I can't say I like the thought of being tied down-”

“Shut up and look at this.”

Sougo was just about to blanch and reprimand her for her attitude if not for the wrinkled note she tossed to him. Upon further inspection, some really angry looking words were imprinted sloppily on the lined paper, most likely written by a really angry person. He scoffed and addressed her with a reproachful look. Kagura impatiently tapped her foot.

“... No, I will not go out with you.”

Sougo sighed, flaxen fringe fluttering at his exhale. He skimmed the contents of the note whilst intermittently glancing up at his unofficially-proclaimed-rival to gauge her reaction. It wasn't until he caught sight of “blackmail” and “entire school” that he immediately whipped his eyes toward the paper, and even then, the disbelief (and mild chagrin) at what was written on that measly slip hadn't waned in the slightest. 

_'Dear Pres,_

That picture of you and the Beast in the halls yesterday? Yeah, that was me. Don't worry, you don't know me. I mean, how could you, not when the both of you are sanctimoniously entitled bastards who couldn't give two shits even if they wanted to.

Anyways, consider this blackmail. If you haven't already noticed (though I doubt that's even remotely possible), the entire school thinks you're dating now. I personally think it's hilarious. I'm guessing you two think it's not, by all the people I've seen tossed out the window this morning alone.

This is a threat. I have more pictures, so just sit tight and wait until I figure out how to destroy your entire high school life.

Sincerely,

Me.'

Sougo stared long and hard at the words before him, frown marring his face. Nearby, Kagura gave his shoulder a nudge. “Hey... Sadist. You done?” Eyes still focused on the paper, he gave a curt nod, taking in, waiting, until-

“Pft. BWAHAHAHA SERVES YOU RIGHT STUPID LITTLE PUNK!”

The effect was instantaneous as Kagura was suddenly keening over from where he jabbed her in the stomach. Gasps of pain and chortles intertwined to make some sort of weird gurgle as she simultaneously held her abdomen and slapped the floor. “T-That's... fucking hilarious, Sadist. And ow... that really hurt...” she choked out.

“Good.” Sougo crumpled the paper and chucked it at her head, which she still managed to dodge with zero effort. He rolled his eyes. “It's not funny, China. It's stupid. First of all, I'm offended that some little cherry boy thinks he can go against the King of Everything Evil and Dark in the World and come out unscathed. Rope, whips, and blackmail included,” he huffed, voice still idiosyncratically monotone.

“Second of all, what's the point of threatening me now when he's already spread that false photo of us? This 'Me' guy's an idiot. And third of all, that 'Me' thing is stupid.” 

“Woah. Calm down there tiger,” Kagura blanched, seeing as he was on the verge of ranting some more. She was already sick of hearing his voice on a daily basis, never mind willingly wanting to hear him speak.

“Don't tell me what to do, China.” The vermilion haired girl shot him a withering look as he mumbled something about sadism and cherry 'Me' boys as the Student Council Pres sulked in his seat, never mind the fact that he never ever sulks. Ever. Kagura turned on her heel.

“You can bitch and moan all you want, Sadist. Meanwhile, I'll be finding the culprit to this mid-teen crisis of yours,” she mockingly winked, already opening the door with a sharp snick. “And don't worry,” she interjected and reached into her jacket pocket, where a little searching procured exactly what she was looking for-

A student I.D.

“I'll be back in a jiffy.”

* * *

“How in the world did you find that thing?” Sougo questioned as they sped off toward the Council Clubroom, I.D. being relentlessly turned over and over. Kagura proudly smirked beside him and turned her nose up, looking very much akin to a child who just answered a question right.

“I found it near the note in your shoe locker. When I was trying to put explosives in it.” Sougo immediately halted in his footsteps. “... Explosives...” 

Kagura stopped when she no longer felt his presence next to her. When she turned back, a questioning look was on her features, as if what she said was the most normal thing in the world.

“... Yeah? And?” 

Somewhere below them, a muted 'THUNK' sounded off. The floor shook a little. Sougo is unamused.

“... Whatever, you're insane. Let's go.”

The room's label appeared in sight, and Sougo quickly slammed the door open to immediately head toward the computer in the corner. Kagura slowed her pace to a languid stroll and lackadaisically crossed to where he was, hands tucked neatly in her pockets. She hummed in curiosity when the monitor flashed on, followed subsequently by a series of screens and numbers she had no interest in learning.

“What is that?”

“Student database,” he pithily replied.

“Oi! Isn't that illegal?!”

“Not unless I do it.”

“And you call me insane...” Kagura muttered. “Can't we just go in tomorrow? And actually ask around?” She lamely suggested, yet couldn't resist the urge to look over his shoulder, curiosity piqued when Sougo found a match.

“It's not like we're going to find his address and break in- Oh. Actually. that'd be-”

“Stupid. Just hurry up, Sadist,” she broke in.

“Yes, Mom...” He quickly jotted down the grade and classroom number on a nearby sticky before nimbly exiting out and shutting off. “There. He's a first-year, surprisingly. Room 1C, a shit student. Well, at least the school system won't remember him when he disappears,” he nonchalantly commented, earning a thwack over the head. “Let's leave; I've had enough of school for today and- China, what the hell are you doing?”

Sougo's line of vision shifted to his desk, where Kagura was rummaging through a neat ream of paperwork.

“Rigging this room.”

“Get your ass out.”

“No.”

“CHINA!”

* * *

“YO YO YO WHICH CHERRY BOY-”

“Stop it. Now.” Sougo blanched for the nth time. Kagura abruptly stopped, indignant protest on the tip of her tongue. “You want to intimidate him. Not get expelled for attracting pissed gang members because you desecrated their national anthem or something,” he sardonically interrupted. Bags hung dark and low under his eyes from where he stayed up last night, trying to finish the aforementioned stack of paperwork that had been on his desk only after he had figured out how to defuse the bomb laid neatly in the middle. A smoke alarm and the sprinklers may or may not have been activated in the process.

“That's not gonna happen. They're all scared of Kamui.” Kagura shrugged and finished swallowing what was once the largest onigiri that Sougo had ever seen, now reduced to mere crumbs on her face. Sougo blanched. He took a cursory glance around the otherwise empty rooftop, where they had spent the majority of their lunch going over details of the confrontation.

They had initially planned to call the kid out during the break, but Sougo figured half an hour wouldn't be nearly enough for Kagura to dish out her school-renowned beating spree on the poor boy, so they had rearranged the meeting right after school.

“Hey, Sadist Pres,” Kagura broke in. “Why can't we like, just drag him out and talk to him alone? It'd save all the trouble.” Curiosity shone in her bright orbs as she focused her attention on her counterpart, whom was busy rechecking the I.D. in hand. It was a wonder the boy hadn't noticed it missing. The flaxen-haired teen made a mental note to check the advisory teacher sometime after.

“They're are too many witnesses around. What'll happen if they see you and you get suspended or something? Who the hell will keep all my fangirls away then?” He deadpanned. She rolled her eyes at his zany response before snatching the I.D. out of his hand. “Nice to know my services are useful to you. And I figured you'd be nowhere near me when I find that brat.”

“How so?” It was Sougo's turn to look at her curiously, to which Kagura glanced back in confusion, as if it were obvious. “The Student Council President's got a reputation to hold, right? Wouldn't it be better for me to go alone? If I do get caught, they won't suspect you.” The lunch was close to ending, and the two were starting to pack up. Kagura held the door open for Sougo, and just when he was about to walk in, she quickly stepped in front of him and hopped into the hallway with a haughty snicker. He glared at her.

“Why would I do that? I still have some pride, China.” They languidly strolled down the steps leading to the main classrooms, and headed toward the cafeteria to throw away their trash. Kagura eyed him skeptically, to which he clicked his tongue. “What's that look for, brat?” She turned away from him and shrugged her shoulders, mouth opening only to close again.

Kagura paused, and Sougo took his time to gauge his reaction. She was looking forward, a strange glint in her eye even as she threw her trash away and nearly bumped into another student in the process.

“... You're weird, Sadist,” she breathed. Sougo huffed in exasperation and slight disdain.

“About time you spoke, China. If I'm weird then you're insane,” he said, tossing a crumpled bunch of tissues her way. “Who do you think has to deal with your gluttonous self all day long?”

Before she could reply, the bell signaling their next class rang, an echoing reverberation throughout the halls. An intermittent myriad of chairs scraping and feet shuffling filled the air as students walked past. Sougo and Kagura lingered back, mentally going over the plan. “So the moment the bell rings, you know what to do?”

“Jump him and take his money,” she blanched.

_“No.”_

“Tch. You're no fun.”

“Whatever. Go to class.”

* * *

“There's a whole hour left, China. I really think we should wait-”

“No one cares about what you think.”

“That was rude.”

Sougo's comment went ignored as Kagura tried to furtively tiptoe down the long hallway. Key word, tried. He found it very unconvincing that someone who could access the Tarzan gene in them in two seconds flat could ever attempt to be secretive.

“China, you're not slick.”

“Shut up. I can't channel my chakra.” She shushed him with a finger before releasing some breathy war squawk and launching toward a closed room not far from where they were. A '1C' was neatly engraved on the sign outside and Sougo resisted the urge to roll his eyes when she sprawled herself on the wall adjacent to the door.

“The ninja arts require much delicacy. You wouldn't understand, Pres. It's taken me years to hone my-”

Sougo was met with a dozen heads turning as he slammed the door open.

“I apologize for the disturbance, but I would like to request for Shimada-kun on behalf of the Student Council.” Sougo's usually monotone voice had taken on a lighter lilt as he flashed the class an apologetic smile. Various murmurs and swooning soon followed as the professor nodded in assent.

“Shimada-kun, you're dismissed. It's been a pleasure meeting you, Student Council President.”

A previously downcast head shot up, and Sougo reveled in inner glee at how much the face matched. The boy's eyes went wide when his gaze landed on the second-year Pres, and he stuttered an incoherent mumble as he trudged his way over. Guilt was written on his face and his brown fringe kept him from making eye contact with Sougo.

_'The coward,'_ he thought. Somewhere behind him, Kagura was getting pumped up as she practiced her punches and kicks, the sound of them slicing the very air. He inwardly smirked. A muffled grunt alerted him to the younger student, to which his lips quirked up in an eye-crinkling, deliciously fake smile. He placed a firm hand on Shimada's shoulder, more so to trap him than anything else.

“So, Shimada-kun. Nice meeting you,” he introduced, every bit the blithe facade on. The tensing of his shoulders went ignored as he was none too gently guided toward the hallway, only to be met with a growling Kagura as she narrowed her azure orbs at him.

“... What do you want.”

“Don't play stupid with us, cherry boy,” she butted in, procuring a crumpled photo out of her pocket. “The hell do you think you're tainting this school with?” When the boy remained silent, Kagura yanked him out of Sougo's grip, to which he audibly gulped and averted his gaze.

“I can explain,” he hastily replied.

The vermilion haired second-year eyed him for a second too long. She unceremoniously dumped him onto the floor and crossed her arms with a harrumph. Sougo quickly joined her side, expectancy on his features as he awaited whatever half-assed excuse that was sure to come.

“Well?”

“... Well...”

He ran.

* * *

“Gyaah, you idiot! It's because you let go of him!”

“Are you stupid? Who do you think yanked him out of my hold? It's your fault for letting your guard down.”

The two bickered the entirety of their walk around the school, in hot pursuit of Shimada as they checked every nook, cranny, and crevice conceivable. Before long, they found themselves in the front yard, approaching the gate as a boy near their age appeared into view.

“ORYAAH! FOUND YA!”

Even Sougo winced when Kagura dropped a flying kick on the poor student.

Shouts of protest could be heard as the two rolled across the lawn for a bit, and Kagura came out victorious as she yelled in triumph from her position on top of Shimada's abdomen. Sougo briskly crossed the green yard, curiously peering down at them when the insistent groans of agony hadn't yet ceased.

“Guh-Wha...”

“So, back to where we left off,” he nonchalantly butted in. “You have three seconds to explain.”

Kagura leaned in absurdly close to glare at him. Sougo's eye twitched in irritation. Shimada remained silent.

“Three.”

He placed a foot on the boy's chest as Kagura was subsequently pushed off. She landed with a small 'oomph'.

“Two.”

Shimada's eyes grew wide. Sougo mustered the greatest shit-eating smirk known to mankind.

“One and a half.”

“Okay! I've heard rumors of the infamous Student Council President. I wanted to see if he was all that... You two were always seen around each other, so I got curious... It was a joke, I swear!”

Kagura scoffed and Sougo eyed him in equal cynicism. She opened her mouth to say something before a sharp 'pft' caught her attention. When she looked up, Sougo's lip was quivering in unrestrained amusement as he finally released that first chuckle. And then another. And another. Until the sound of genuine laughter was the only thing that could be heard.

“T-That's funny... I like it... Pft- So you can go around spewing all that bullshit about blackmail and superiority yet you can't even look me in the face the moment you're found out.” If Shimada was able to shrink into himself, he would have done so long ago; he looked to be on the verge of tears as Sougo went full lecture mode (with a hint of biting sarcasm) on him.

Kagura watched on in boredom for a bit longer whilst simultaneously deeming the boy as harmless as a lost puppy, thoughts already deviating from the situation to her not-yet-prepared dinner. Her mouth watered at the image she conjured, and a discreet whack to her head snapped her back to reality.

“Since you caught him and all, can I go now? My sukonbu awaits me,” she sighed. Sougo paused mid sentence to regard her. “... Sure, why not? I've already scared him shitless. Thanks, China.” He held a hand out, to which she firmly shook.

“See ya, partner in crime.”

“What?! Aren't you guys being too lax about this? I practically ruined your perfect reputation as Student Council Pres!” Shimada yelped in disbelief (and maybe a little in booty-tickledness).

“How so?” Sougo stared blankly at him, awaiting an answer he was sure wouldn't have interested him even if the words “whips” and “chains” were involved.

“E-Eh... You'd be caught having a dead-end relationship with the biggest delinquent on campus. The Student Council Pres is the perfect role model; you'll lose all your respect. No one's gonna be happy about that and-”

“Doesn't have anything to do with me. Who I bless my company with is my business. I don't need a first-year brat telling me what I can and can't do,” Sougo harshly remarked. Shimada flinched, and Kagura raised a curious eyebrow as she regarded him with something akin to, “The fuck did you just say?”

“And besides,” a phantom of a smile ghosted on his lips as he regarded the both of them.

“The Student Council President is perfect. Okita Sougo, on the other hand, isn't.”

* * *

Two weeks later, Shimada transferred schools.

Any gossip regarding Okita Sougo, the school's renowned and precious Prince, and infamous delinquent and troublemaker Sakata Kagura had practically disappeared, along with the Chairman's mysteriously foul mood.

Sougo was still seen interacting with Kagura after school hours though, most of the time bantering, seldom getting along unless need be.

“I forgot to mention this, but you know the blackmail thing two weeks ago?” Kagura brought up as she haphazardly swung her book bag to and fro.

“Yeah ...?” The flaxen-haired Pres skeptically replied.

“I took that time you were distracted with that Shimada kid to plant your jacket with bombs. It just only takes two weeks to detonate.”

Sougo paused. Kagura smirked.

“Well... It's a good thing I defused them a week ago, replicated them, and rigged them in your hair buns, huh, China?”

“...”

“...”

“Oh. And I managed to get them to detonate in half the time. Crazy, right?”

“ _O-Oi._ ”

“Toodles. Have fun.”

Sougo couldn't stop the chuckle from escaping his mouth as he all but skipped to the school gate, the resounding explosion, followed by an angry shriek (that sounded very much like a dying possum- not like he knew what dying possums sounded like) undoubtedly making his day.

“Meet me at the cafe tomorrow, China. You owe me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back....

**Author's Note:**

> [1] A spin-off of the Snickers commercial where there's always someone angry and then apparently the Snickers bar, a god-made gift that is bestowed upon the masses to stop world wars and child hunger, is handed to them and they become... not angry. Get it? Haha...ha... Who still watches TV?
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! A little wordy compared to my usual fics, but maybe the length made up for the time? This was actually a prompt that was requested of me by user bekahfrate10, and I'M INCREDIBLY SORRY IF I BUTCHERED THE ORIGINAL PROMPT BUT AT LEAST KAMUI IS IN IT AND EVERYONE LOVES KAMUI???
> 
> Also posted on the 'Fanfiction' Page on my tumblr [ http://poke-a-loid.tumblr.com/ ]


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